"Hey B, what you got goin on over here?"

or any variation is a question I am constantly asked at work. And it frustrates me with no end in sight. It has gotten to the point where I have to whistle or make noises to cover up the annoyed grunt that have become increasingly involuntary.

I keep to myself, do what I have to do, get paid and leave. But somehow these people I work with have some sort of fixation with that and have to poke their noses into everything I do. What could I possibly be doing that piques your interests? Is it something so sinister that you have to look over my shoulder every time I check my email or text someone? Am I secretly plotting to blow up or shoot up the building? No, it'd be a waste of explosives and bullets.

I'm not hiding anything. You can see in plain sight what I am doing. Working, like you should be.

At least at my last job I only had to worry about the numerous cameras looking at me. Paranoia is much better in comparison to completely knowing you are being watched.

Does my tendency to not joke around and laugh out loud like the rest of you make me that much of an outlier? Am I considered strange because I don't fall in like the rest of you? That I don't have anything to add to your conversation?

How could so many nosy people be assembled to work in one office is a wonder. Everyone is deep in everybody else's bullshit. A bunch of gossiping hens - both the men and women there!

Thank goodness for fire escapes and stairwells as they have become my only refuge from the scrutinizing horror.

Hey, B what are you up to?

None of your fucking business.




Oh, it's been a while since I posted here I see...

Starting the New Year On the Right Foot.

After a successful NYE celebration, and the basement all to myself, I saw a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale left over. I figured, why not? Just one more before I went to bed. There wasn't a bottle opener in my immediate area. And I did not want to crack it open on the desk.

But there was a spoon. I got the spoon, placed it under the edge of the bottle cap, and pulled as if I were whittling a piece of wood. A small whoosh sound came from the cap, letting me know that I was doing it right. The spoon slid out from under the cap.

Right then and there I knew I had done something wrong. I let out a sigh and looked at my finger which which now had begun to bleed profusely. If my nails were any shorter, a bigger chunk would have been taken out of my fingertip.

No band-aids to be found, so a piece of duct tape and toilet paper had to suffice.


I cut my finger while trying to open a bottle of beer with a spoon. It seemed like a good idea at the time...



Happy New Year!

A Year of Change

Not because of our new President, who brings with him hope and and optimism. But because of the optimism I feel within myself coming into the end of 2008. I have seen a lot of signs every day that things will change for me this coming year. I have opened myself up to new things, met more people and through them learned to express myself more and diversify. This may not make any sense, and as I read, it more than likely sounds like rambling in vagueness. However, 2009 will hopefully be my transition year. To what? I have no clue, but I'd rather let it unravel as things go along.














Dicks.

I feel dirty

I've been called creepy by a lot of people, much more than ever recently. I shrugged it off or downplayed it as some quirk. Some found it dorky and amusing, others found it slightly disturbing and not easy to settle with.

But just now, I have done something that made me realize that I am heading down a creepy road that I have never wanted to travel.

The internet is a wonderful thing that connects people with each other. You can go on websites like MySpace or Facebook, or whatever, with nothing but a first and last name of a person you are looking for and basically find them. Or just plop their name into an internet search engine, sometimes with a little more information such as where they are from, and bingo! you find something on them.

This is very dangerous. Especially if you are slightly obsessed and stalker-ish. I am guilty of doing such things.

There are a couple of people, women, who I have talked to in the past and lost contact with. Well it was more, they stopped popping up online, or mysteriously disappeared.

One example is a lady I met on an internet dating site. We talked and chatted via email, until she trusted me enough to give me her phone number. Things were going well until I said something that....well, creeped her out a bit. Looking back, maybe I was too quick to say what I said, too early for her to realize it was a joke. This happened right before I lost my phone. But I wanted to apologize. I tried sending her an email...invalid address. One would think "hey, might as well leave well enough alone, just move ahead", but sadly, not me. I figured out how to text someone via my email address, so I went into my phone records, looked up her number, and then went ahead and offered an apology. No response. Once again, "let it go" popped into my head, and I listened for a moment. But then saw her pop up on the site again under a new account. Of course, I took advantage of the fact that she did not make her profile private to members, and logged off my profile, so that I wouldn't show up under those who viewed her profile, and viewed the profile to confirm it was her.

Very creepy. Yes. But it does not end there.

Everyone has a facebook or myspace page. Any old Joe on the internet could just visit a site, type in a name and location, and pop up someone's profile. Before, myspace had it so that you needed to log into the site before you could look at a person's pictures, and of course, I knew a way to circumvent that, but recently, they made pictures on all public profiles viewable to everyone. I did not do the myspace thing with this person, but have done it with others. It makes me feel disgusted a bit.

Facebook, on the other hand, is not so lenient when it comes to viewing other folk's pictures, thankfully, to keep creepers like me away, but I am sure there is a way to circumvent that, I haven't found out yet (thankfully). So, although I had only a first name, and location, it wasn't enough to do an internet search on her. But, she made the mistake of sending me a photo of herself from facebook. This was before I had gotten one myself. When I did get a facebook account recently, I learned of a way to find someone's account just by finding that person's profile number in the url of the picture. I did this, and it directed me to a person with a different name.
Didn't look like the chick I was talking to. Maybe she is a friend. So I clicked on friends, sifted through a couple pages and found the person I was looking for.

First and last name. Add that in with where she is from, and Google will sing to me, giving a bit more information about her. I now know where she graduated high school, her whole first name, but stopped myself when I was going to do a background check on her. I would have to pay a couple bucks to do that, but I realized that it was a final boundary that kept me from doing something serious. Almost illegal, if not illegal.

I realized I had a problem. May be nothing serious, but still it could very well lead to something worse. It's absolutely not fair to the people I have done it to. I certainly pass it off under the guise of research.


So if there is anything to come from this in the early stages, I would say that it is not the best idea to put anything out there with a lot of personal information on it. That is why everything about myself on the Internet, which isn't much, is under an alternate name or handle. That is why I do not use my real name on Facebook or any other site. Because if it is easy for me to gather so much, who's to say that other people aren't doing it, and have no qualms about paying a little cash for your personal information. I am marginally better than those folks, but that does not exonerate me from what I have done. It's not creepy for the intent to be funny, it's just plain obsessive.


So, I guess I have a New Year's Resolution now.

Always Keep Clean

Because you never know when some hot chick is gonna roll up to you and be all like "Let's make out!"

If that were me I'd say, "Really? But you are so hot and I'm...I'm not even lukewarm or tepid".

And she'd be all like "Ooh, low self esteem gets me hot!"

And I'd say "Well, if that's the case... by the end of the night, we're gonna have to sandbag the area for that flash flood that'll come from between your legs."

Concerts 2008: A Year in Review

I was going to do this thing where I take a look back on what concerts I had seen this year. The only problem is that I can't recall off the top of my head which ones I actually saw.

I remembered the venues I went to see the bulk of my shows, but the only one with an extensive calendar of past shows is the Empty Bottle (Dating back all the way to 1996!). I looked through the calendar, and to my surprise I went to a lot less shows there than I figured. And also, I saw a lot of shows that I would have went to see, if I had heard of the acts that played at that time. I wish this time travel technology gets invented and perfected already so I could hit up on these shows.

I could look at the past shows I bought tickets for via ticket web, but that helps little.

But alas, I guess I will come up with something. Something like the best shows of the year, or the shows that stick out the furthest of the year.


Or maybe nothing at all, how bout that? I'm tired.





Oh, it's Christmas...Happy Holidays, folks!

Time flies when you're watching porn

A couple days ago, my 6 year old cousin visited my house. I used to help take care of him when his mom would go to work, and he was the sweetest kid ever, a little bit weird, as he had a habit of going over to chairs and sniffing the seats after people had gotten up, but still endearingly weird and smart. I remember running down the halls with him slapping him on his cheeks making "plop, plop, plop" sounds. It was fun. He was the quietest kid.

Zoom a couple years later to now, where I don't hang out with him as much I used to.

I go, "Hey Lemonhead!" I used to call him that because he looked like that face on the box of Lemonhead candies. "How's it goin'?"

"Okay."

He has the cutest smile. You couldn't help but smile with him.

"Well, that's good. I going to the bathroom, stay right there kiddo!"

Okay...fatty.

Now that last part did not come out until I was taking a couple steps away towards the restroom.

"What did you call me?" I thought it was funny.

"I said 'Okay fatty'"

"Why would you call me fat?" I was amused, slowly becoming confused.

"Because you are, fatso." There was that smile again.

"Aww, you're so cute!" I pinched his cheeks, and went to the bathroom.

As soon as I closed the door and went about my business, I hear little footsteps follow me.

"Fatty fat fat fat!" "Fat booty boy!"

I turned on the radio to drown him out. But then as I looked into the bathroom mirror, I was beginning to ask myself "Am I fat? No, no, no..." I sucked in my gut a bit and stood up straight. "I'm fine. What does he know anyways? He probably still eats paste. Can't blame him really, Elmer's paste smelled real delicious and minty. I'm not fat."

I walk out of the bathroom, and he's still there, waiting. "Hey, fat booty booty...fatty fatso."

I stopped and turned to him and said, "Hey, come here. J, what you are saying...your words hurt. They hurt me. Now that you have hurt me, I have to hurt you."

So I picked him up and locked him in our basement.



Not really, I just tickled him until he started drooling on himself.