Time flies when you're watching porn

A couple days ago, my 6 year old cousin visited my house. I used to help take care of him when his mom would go to work, and he was the sweetest kid ever, a little bit weird, as he had a habit of going over to chairs and sniffing the seats after people had gotten up, but still endearingly weird and smart. I remember running down the halls with him slapping him on his cheeks making "plop, plop, plop" sounds. It was fun. He was the quietest kid.

Zoom a couple years later to now, where I don't hang out with him as much I used to.

I go, "Hey Lemonhead!" I used to call him that because he looked like that face on the box of Lemonhead candies. "How's it goin'?"

"Okay."

He has the cutest smile. You couldn't help but smile with him.

"Well, that's good. I going to the bathroom, stay right there kiddo!"

Okay...fatty.

Now that last part did not come out until I was taking a couple steps away towards the restroom.

"What did you call me?" I thought it was funny.

"I said 'Okay fatty'"

"Why would you call me fat?" I was amused, slowly becoming confused.

"Because you are, fatso." There was that smile again.

"Aww, you're so cute!" I pinched his cheeks, and went to the bathroom.

As soon as I closed the door and went about my business, I hear little footsteps follow me.

"Fatty fat fat fat!" "Fat booty boy!"

I turned on the radio to drown him out. But then as I looked into the bathroom mirror, I was beginning to ask myself "Am I fat? No, no, no..." I sucked in my gut a bit and stood up straight. "I'm fine. What does he know anyways? He probably still eats paste. Can't blame him really, Elmer's paste smelled real delicious and minty. I'm not fat."

I walk out of the bathroom, and he's still there, waiting. "Hey, fat booty booty...fatty fatso."

I stopped and turned to him and said, "Hey, come here. J, what you are saying...your words hurt. They hurt me. Now that you have hurt me, I have to hurt you."

So I picked him up and locked him in our basement.



Not really, I just tickled him until he started drooling on himself.

Better Drink a Lotta Water Cuz There Are a Lotta Salty Crakers

Living life, you tend to encounter new things about yourself, or even things that have been hiding out in the bushes and are exposed. I have a recent example of such a situation.

I do not like being pat on the back.

In fact, every time someone does it, I grit my teeth and freeze up a bit.

I know, a pat on the back for something well done or as a way to show that you are being friendly are good and all, but I just can't stand being pat on the back, or the shoulder.

I thought it was maybe I don't liked being touched or maybe the majority of people who have patted me on the back I did not like much...but no there is not really a connection. I just don't like it.

I have also come to dislike being called "Buddy" or "Pal". Most of the times I have been called "Buddy" are by people who are not anywhere close to being my friend. For example, people I work with call me that. I don't see any of these people outside work, I have no affiliations with them at all outside of work, so therefore, "Buddy" is not a word that should be used to address me. That is unless it is my nickname, which it isn't.

I hope I don't end up liking the word so much that it leads to me disliking Tom Hanks by association. I loved Bosom Buddies.